shallow thoughts. 11.12.10

Today is 11th December 2010, Saturday. Weekend just for myself, to chill and have some alone time.

A reflection day I could say, when I am alone I love to think and making self notes.

Let me draft the highlights in year 2010.

January,  an active youth group is brain storming.

February, fabulousness friend came to support our church and had an amazing time with my fabulous friends.

March, life changing months, Been over the top and down. Grandma pass away and memorial for my godmom. Went to mission at medan, amazing journey with my Abba. Meet heap of people.

April, turn 23 and meet more amazing people again. Putting myself in place, missing grandmama.

May, took a month off to settle myself and family issue.

June, set up a blog page.... my tears flow like a waterfall. -good memories-

July, Hectic month starts.... work,work,work.

August, WORK like a mad lady getting jobs and planning. Meet bokkie.

September, Been working ever since 6am-12 mid night. lack of sleep. Meet a crazy lady.

October, WORK!!! debbie came and told goodnews!!!

November, party abit, work alot. Dad sick, worried sick!

December, push all my work(short break) till January 2011, trying to sorts things out, getting ready for my holiday in INDIA. Sick for 1week.

wow... looking at it, been working and working, I deserved a break after all. 

Been rebuke from some friend that I need rest... well, thank you... and I will rest. 

I know, is hard for me to slow down and sometime I am inpatient, so I'm learning to let go and let the Lord leads my way. 

REST is all I need, not physically but mentally! 

wish list!

frequent question always comes to me...

Jenny what do you want for Christmas?

I have a serious long list things that I want. Hope you are ready for the long list!

1) MU, T-shirt, with my name on it. (must be original) 

2) A holiday with some friends.

3) Sports rim for my cherry-hot-Sexy

4) Black Fix base ball hat with my name on it (been hunting this since I was 19th) 

5) Fossil bags I have eyed on it!!! 

6) A pair of new balance shoe. (m574skw)

7) Toshiba netbook

8) Brand new out look!!

9) Watch purple G-shock.

10) Watch sun rise.

That is my wish list!

dear dad...

Dear Dad,

Do you remember when I was a child, I use all the tricks to get goodies and making full use of my cuteness to get my way. I know every time I cry it will make you sad. I remembered, mom said don't get any ice cream for the young one, and I secretly tell you I want ice cream, and you will get it for me.... and mom will get furious for a while. (hahahhaa) Rainbow ice cream was my favorite. 
Till now, I still get my ways on you.

Looking at your facial expression I know your in pain physically, and do you know I am in pain too?
You complaint to Mom, your in pain and she called me, and tell me all the complaints you made, and when she advice you, you don't want to hear what she tells you. Arguments always happen, when your stubborn as that.

Listening to your complaint and argument my hearts weeps, I know you hate going to the doctor. But your not your own doctor, you can't go to the pharmacy and make your own prescription. Your intaking most of the medication is not certified by the health department.

How can I advice you, not to be so hard headed. Bring you to the doctors, listening what is going on with you making me worried. Dad, I love you and I want you to get well.

I know, there is no point I am writing this but just to express myself!!!
DAD... I love you!!!

Yours truly,
Daughter!!!

- and +

when you feel pain and hurt is always "-" sign pop up in to your mind, this is not a good thoughts.

when you smile and laugh your head out is it a "+"? do you really feel happy? are you just smiling and laughing cause everyone did it? or your making someone happy? 

truthfully, I am pretty down this few days, randoms thoughts and feelings come and go. 

sometimes is bad to think about negative and positive possibility, and things will happen next.

yet sometimes you can't stop yourself by thinking all the random things that happen.

is out of my control.

sometime I tell myself if I'm always sad and grumpy will it make things better or worst? 

what matters the most? 

I am rushing or too harsh on things?

there is question and question every day, that I ask myself,

holding ON and  LETTING go?

what should I hold ON too, is it worth it to let GO if I don't hold it tight?

my little 1pound brain don't make much senses sometime, it just think and think!

ahhhhhhhh......ALL I NEED IS........

i'm not too sure!!!

shallow thoughts. 10.11.10

fear, anger, sad, excitement, happy, random mix feeling..... just in 3hours time.

sometimes I am confuse with my own feelings in my daily life.

roller-coaster rides, there is up and down.... 

when you THINK that today is just another usual day, all plan out nice and smooth....

step by step... but mood swing change your whole day.

 Having random surprises visit with your emotion is not a perfect felling.

sometimes is FUN filled JOY, and sometimes just LAME and SAD

feel like crying so badly yet I can't, cause it just  make so many people worried and asking, "what happen?", "what is wrong". I know is okay to cry and be sad.

BUT

I

TRULY 

HATES 

IT!!!

when I have a random feelings, make me confuse and it JUST NOT RIGHT!!!

plus I know is not right to hold up all this to myself, and blogging is just a way to express my feelings and letting it out. 

BURST you stupid sadness in ME.

I know somewhere out there, A HUGE rainbow will appear and make me smile again.

if there is NO rainbow, hopefully... there is a awesome sun set, sun raise, cloud or even stars.... I could just gaze at, and make me feel all nice and warm inside out.

-my shallow thoughts 10.11.10-

  

News feed of my little brain.

His Grace created everything in Heaven and this earth that we are living in.

He made everything  all things possible, He knows us by names, He loves us, He give good gifts, and by his grace I am who I am now, His princess, his little girl, he comforts me when I am down. He know my needs, filling my empty soul with his undying love. I surrender to you, my lord my Saviour.

   ~mark 16:15. Go into all the world, and give the good news to everyone.~

 Lord I love you, please teach me how to trust and obey, sometimes I am afraid.

Yet sometime I know I have to step out in faith, and listen what you have to tell me.

I never forget that day you I got saved, is because I listen to you, my "papa" who loves me.

I know you are with me everyday, you know my prayer and my desire.

I know when the time is right my family will know you are the lord and Saviour of our life.

 

thanks giving~

Have you ever felt left out?

Have you ever felt your alone?

Some times I do have this feeling and I will turn to my "daddy" and asking him to fill me with strength, grace and joy. How amazing is he do fill me with strength when I am awfully tired, grace when I felt angry/worthless and Joy when I am sad.

Psalm 50:14-23  Make an offering of praise to God; keep the agreements which you have made with the Most High;Let your voice come up to me in the day of trouble; I will be your saviour, so that you may give glory to me.But to the sinner, God says, What are you doing, talking of my laws, or taking the words of my agreement in your mouth? Seeing that you have no desire for my teaching, turning your back on my words. When you saw a thief, you were in agreement with him, and you were joined with those who took other men's wives. You have given your mouth to evil, your tongue to words of deceit. You say evil of your brother; you make false statements against your mother's son. These things have you done, and I said nothing; it seemed to you that I was such a one as yourself; but I will make a protest against you, and put them in order before your eyes. Now keep this in mind, you who have no memory of God, for fear that you may be crushed under my hand, with no one to give you help: Whoever makes an offering of praise gives glory to me; and to him who is upright in his ways I will make clear the salvation of God. 

Faith makes all things possible! Praying and thanks giving what the lord have did for us. He loves us so much, we are his prince and princesses, be joyful always!