dear dad...

Dear Dad,

Do you remember when I was a child, I use all the tricks to get goodies and making full use of my cuteness to get my way. I know every time I cry it will make you sad. I remembered, mom said don't get any ice cream for the young one, and I secretly tell you I want ice cream, and you will get it for me.... and mom will get furious for a while. (hahahhaa) Rainbow ice cream was my favorite. 
Till now, I still get my ways on you.

Looking at your facial expression I know your in pain physically, and do you know I am in pain too?
You complaint to Mom, your in pain and she called me, and tell me all the complaints you made, and when she advice you, you don't want to hear what she tells you. Arguments always happen, when your stubborn as that.

Listening to your complaint and argument my hearts weeps, I know you hate going to the doctor. But your not your own doctor, you can't go to the pharmacy and make your own prescription. Your intaking most of the medication is not certified by the health department.

How can I advice you, not to be so hard headed. Bring you to the doctors, listening what is going on with you making me worried. Dad, I love you and I want you to get well.

I know, there is no point I am writing this but just to express myself!!!
DAD... I love you!!!

Yours truly,
Daughter!!!

- and +

when you feel pain and hurt is always "-" sign pop up in to your mind, this is not a good thoughts.

when you smile and laugh your head out is it a "+"? do you really feel happy? are you just smiling and laughing cause everyone did it? or your making someone happy? 

truthfully, I am pretty down this few days, randoms thoughts and feelings come and go. 

sometimes is bad to think about negative and positive possibility, and things will happen next.

yet sometimes you can't stop yourself by thinking all the random things that happen.

is out of my control.

sometime I tell myself if I'm always sad and grumpy will it make things better or worst? 

what matters the most? 

I am rushing or too harsh on things?

there is question and question every day, that I ask myself,

holding ON and  LETTING go?

what should I hold ON too, is it worth it to let GO if I don't hold it tight?

my little 1pound brain don't make much senses sometime, it just think and think!

ahhhhhhhh......ALL I NEED IS........

i'm not too sure!!!

shallow thoughts. 10.11.10

fear, anger, sad, excitement, happy, random mix feeling..... just in 3hours time.

sometimes I am confuse with my own feelings in my daily life.

roller-coaster rides, there is up and down.... 

when you THINK that today is just another usual day, all plan out nice and smooth....

step by step... but mood swing change your whole day.

 Having random surprises visit with your emotion is not a perfect felling.

sometimes is FUN filled JOY, and sometimes just LAME and SAD

feel like crying so badly yet I can't, cause it just  make so many people worried and asking, "what happen?", "what is wrong". I know is okay to cry and be sad.

BUT

I

TRULY 

HATES 

IT!!!

when I have a random feelings, make me confuse and it JUST NOT RIGHT!!!

plus I know is not right to hold up all this to myself, and blogging is just a way to express my feelings and letting it out. 

BURST you stupid sadness in ME.

I know somewhere out there, A HUGE rainbow will appear and make me smile again.

if there is NO rainbow, hopefully... there is a awesome sun set, sun raise, cloud or even stars.... I could just gaze at, and make me feel all nice and warm inside out.

-my shallow thoughts 10.11.10-